The new FIFA “Peace Prize” was apparently so meaningful to its recipient that it’s already been discarded and discovered amongst all the useless chotskies at the local thrift store. “I couldn’t ...

North Dakota’s attempt to lure crossborder Christmas shoppers has met with a hiccup this week after the local Chamber of Commerce announced they’d be bringing back the wood chipper. “Yeah, I think ...

McGill University has freed up more than $6 billion in budget space after cutting the beloved but expensive crokinole team. “Players kept flicking the pieces all over the place and losing them,” said ...

Dating couple Amanda and Kevin of Landmark drove into the city this weekend to sit in their car with the windows rolled down on Lagimodiere. “I knew this was a great first date stop,” said Kevin.

It seems even President Trump can’t stake awake during one of Pastor Dave’s long meandering sermons. “I’m shocked. I thought for sure he had the stamina to withstand a 2-hour-long boring exposition of ...

Although it’s controversial in some circles, it’s been part of the Anabaptist system, and the Protestant system more generally, for centuries – crossing the floor. Whenever a church member feels ...

Desperate the quell a rising tide of angry Mennonite voters, the White House clarified this afternoon that the new ballroom would not be used for dancing. “Only faspas and quilt auctions,” said press ...

A trucker’s convoy-worth of sunflower seeds are on their way to Toronto this week to meet the demand of baseball fans in the GTA. “We’re basically just having them dump it in Sankofa Square,” said ...

Winkler, Manitoba, often called the Paris of the Pembina Valley, was the victim of a brazen daytime heist this week after balaclava-donning thieves on dirt bikes took off with Mrs. Reimer’s prized ...

In a shocking turn of events, more than 300 million Americans went completely without Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. “There wasn’t even any pumpkin pie,” said Mrs. Eby of Kitchener, Ontario, who ...

Mr. Abe Klassen of Rosthern has just been awarded the top prize for the most delicious, most noble peas in the world. “Just look at those green plump peas, slathered in butter,” said judge Bjorn ...

There was a rush to the local MCC this week to get used copies of the latest Taylor Swift album, after it was discovered that Abbotsford fans got a shout out on the title track. “Hey, Mrs.